'The things look small when you are thinking small' said Kiran and I was smiling and asked 'So will things look big if we think big. I thought things always have an actual size.' I laughed out. No Arjun! Do not make fun of me. I am serious. So I stopped being funny. He was speaking about his goals in life. He wants to start travels and take it to the biggest stage it can reach. He always dreamt of owning lot of vehicles. He has been dreaming of it from his 11th class. He even started collecting information and capital. I knew that he was strong enough to achieve it in near future. Today he was dreaming about his own airlines, the discussion got stronger after I said that he was dreaming too much, I said it just for fun but I wish he gets everything he wants as he dreams only of things which he deserve.
The thing to bother me was my goals in life. I am not sure and I was never. Everyone has started working and I am still on my way. I know that I do not like this job but I do not know what to do and how to start if I want to do something. I have wondered what exists inside me and how to unleash it. I liked many professions like a teacher-I like it but its small to me, a doctor -I like it but it is impossible now, a software engineer - I like it but I am no more fascinated in it and a lawyer - I like it but it is also too late to become one. Everyone is going to be something in their life, my brother will soon be a Project lead and followed by something more good, Kiran will own vehicles, Pari will be working with her father and everyone has something to do with their lives but me?? This has been bothering me but I sure will find some way out.
Kiran knows everything about my state of mind. He suggests something every time but I say No to everything. He always wanted me to choose something big. He always thinks big. Father and Mother always were worried about this too. Mother always says to quit the job which I do not like and do what I like the most. But I do not know what I want to do with this life.
I was thinking about this sitting at my desk. Pari was there. The thoughts stopped and the only thought was her. She was speaking about something and I observed that she tied her hair again. Sometimes she ties her hair and sometimes not, and she looks good with both the styles.
She said, ‘Exactly two months to go!’ she smiled. I have to smile.
She will be leaving in two months and I will be no more interested in this job and I want to know my ‘inner self’. She started about her job schedule at Delhi with her father. It sounded great and I could see happiness in her eyes. I was happy and excited to see these feelings and wanted to feel it. When I see her I realize, I feel, I enjoy, I.. The time is flowing smooth and beautiful and after she leaves, every second here will be felt as a decade.
I do not know what happens after two months. I do not know how long I will work here. I do not know what is going to happen to my story. I am curious…
-Arjun Krishna

